HelpDeskHorrorStories

MorganConbere worked at the CIS helpdesk one summer. He gathered a number of fairly humorous stories. He suspects there are even more out there. This will be a collection of them.

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Morgan

Haunted DVI Cable

One day there was a computer that wasn't working. Something had happened when they plugged a monitor into it, and now it no longer turned on. The helpdesk crew decided to test the monitor on another computer to see if there was a problem there. When they plugged the monitor (which was working fine before) into a new computer, the computer failed to turn on after a puff of magic smoke, and that computer was dead. Frustrated, they tried another computer, figuring that the two machines were haunted and that there was no way the monitor was killing computers. The next computer died as well. They tried chaning the DVI cable. The monitor worked fine on any other computer, but the three dead computers were still dead. It turns out the DVI cable had a pin bent that caused power to run through the graphics card in the wrong way such that it would kill computers. That's really tough to figure out, because who ever expects a devil cable?

[Something like this]? -- AndrewFarmer

Helvin Menrickson

(Name changed to protect the guilty) I worked at the CIS helpdesk for an entire summer. Every day I would get at least one call from Hel. He usually sounded like he had just climbed at least five flights of stairs. He would start every call with, "HELLO? This is HELVIN MENRICKSON ON the FOURTH FLOOR OF SPRAGUE?"

The questioning tone always confused me, but I was a strong helpdesk employee and I'd push on. I would say, "CIS Helpdesk, this is Morgan speaking, how may I help you?"

Inevitably he would say, "Oh... I have a problem, but I need Raymond to help me." I would try to get him to tell me what was going on, because I was actually fairly compentent at the job. He never relented, and I went to get Raymond.

One day he called as usual, sounding like he had just climbed a small mountain and forgot to bring water. Today Raymond was out, so I said I could try to help him. I think I told him something like, "try printing a second time" or somesuch. This revelation astounded him. From then on, Hel always asked for me. This was a disaster.

A month or so later, Hel called at his usual time. He sounded more out of breath and more agitated than usual. He said, "HELLO? *gasp* This is HELVIN MENRICKSON *gasp* ON the FOURTH FLOOR OF SPRAGUE? ... MY PHONE ISN'T *gasp* WORKING!"

At hearing this I stopped and contemplated my existence. Why are people on Earth, what reason is there for life itself, where did I come from, where will I go?

I had to say something because it felt rather rude to sit silently. I said, "Um... ok. So.... .... ...... how are you calling me?"

Helvin paused, just like I did, maybe thinking about why he was here on Earth, and then said, "Oh," and then paused for a bit. "I'm uh... I'm uh calling from another phone in *gasp* the office." This made sense to me. I nodded and answered as appropriate, "I'm sorry Hel, as it turns out CIS doesn't work with the phones. You need to call CUC at x00000." Hel grunted and said, "But how will I call them if my *gasp* phone isn't working?" I thought we had been over this before, so I said, "How are you talking to me?" Hel, pausing again, says, "Oh," again. I asked him if he wanted the number to CUC. He said he already had the number and hung up. I then played minesweeper for an hour.