FunWiki: KevinOelze

Kevin died with the class of 2009. He now lives in Mountain View, CA (in the Bay Area) and works at Spirent Communications (a company you haven't heard of that bought FanfareSoftware?, a startup that you haven't heard of). Feel free to ask him if you're interested. He also realizes most of the content on this page seems really weird if you never met him or his suite. Let's be honest, though. It's pretty weird even if you have met him.

RichardMehlinger insisted that this page be made, and so, since DavidLapayowker really doesn't want to do his FroshChem homework, it shall be done.

KevinOelze is a ThirdFloorEastie who lived in WestDorm (because the matchers apparently just came back from the cocaine break when they matched him). He became a ThirdFloorEastie upon the utter collapse of his computer, which meant that he was without WorldOfWarcraft to distract him from the horrors of WestDorm. So, he ran to EastDorm. No one has complained yet.

Okay, I feel the need to actually tell the true story, as this isn't the truth. What actually happened was the day of the research paper workshop, Richard wandered in late and decided to ask me if I could drop by and help with the Recursive Descent Parsing we were doing that week. I suggested going to office hours, but he had lab, so the next day after dinner, I dropped by and stayed until pretty much my grutoring shift. These then-Rex, soon-to-be Prolog parties became a weekly tradition for a while, and we were joined by various people (and always by Marissa to make it a non-completely CS60 party). As I spent more and more time over there, I got to know the people of East more, and I spent more time. It just ended up being a fairly large coincidence that my computer happened to die later that week.
- I also feel the need to correct the above: I have complained. A lot. -AndrewTaylor

He enjoys playing games. He's also a huge fan of musical theatre. Seriously, ask anyone who he's friends with on facebook what half of his status updates on.

Kevin goes on AIM by the ever-original name of AdjectiveProperNoun?. Well, actually, DivineWolfwood?. Same thing, really.

He's graduated as a CS/Math? Major.

Is a world-renowned Horse fellatio trainer. There was a loud celebration in his room when his 3 year attempt to hit his own page via RandomPage? finally came to fruition. It came directly after hitting the SuiteBetrayal page, which was kind of cool.

For the summer of 2008, he was essenitally a PomonKey, working with ProfChen? on the bandwidth minimization problem in sparse (0,1)-matrices. Feel free to ask for more details, though I doubt you want them :P.

His name spellchecks to Beelzebub in OpenOffice? (as of 1.1.0). So far, he has three minions: HendrikOrem (sold his soul for a nice pull in RoomDraw speaking of which, why does this list bear a strange similarity to the SO-19 pull?), DavidLapayowker and MartinPyne.

I would like to point out that only I am his actual minion, i.e. a demon, while Martin is merely one of many from whom he has taken a soul -- DavidLapayowker
- Uh, who else has he taken a soul from? --MartinPyne

Apparently, he does not exist.

He is also referred to as Alaszun, which not-so-coincindentally is the name of his hunter in World of Warcraft, for crack purposes at time. So be careful when you're talking to people named Allison next to him; he may react.

The person who had the brain fart that caused SaveKevinsExam to be needed. Props to DanCiliske, ArenOlson, and SkyeBerghel for the help in saving it.

He lays ambitious plans about things that he's going to do, like code improvements to jDip, or improve this FunWiki page. Or write entries for ThatWhichCannotBeNamed?. Or write his version of Random. He's very bad at actually DOING these things. If you want something done, consistently bug him to do it.

Part of TheCanadianRunThrough.

Schedule for Fall 2009:

 RL   001: Work!                                           ProfessorPatel?       MTWRF    9:30-7:00 
 RL   002: Quidditch!                                       ProfessorOelze?        Other times

His quotes:

"OH ####! Handcuffs! ####!" Upon confused stares from the lounge, proceeded to add, "What? I need them for my scene."
"Oh my god, we're talking about porn. I have this awesome story..."
"Yeah, I like sex." -During a game of Trivial Pursuit, when evaluating the relative merits of two answers.
"How fast does Hunter run after I shoot him? Big O of dead!"
"Mike is the one who doesn't beat his wife. It is surprising that I like him."
KevinOelze: Does an 18 make it? MarissaQuitt: ...why did you roll a d8? KevinOelze: The d20 was too far away. (out of arm's reach)
- Yay for ridiculously high skill points ^_^.
"I always knew I hated Jews." - context omitted
"I like the direction that goes like a clock! I don't know if that's clockwise or counterclockwise!"
"But if we don't do anything with vomit, how do we defuse the bomb?"
"I'm going to sleep, by the time I wake up I expect this board to filled with virulent antisemitism."
"I'm getting excited for Blade Trinity... it's a great movie."
"There's nothing wrong with Gaia Online. No seriously, the battle system is pretty cool."
"Hi, I'm Kevin, and I'm a furry."
"I'm wearing almost no clothes, but I swear to god I will come in there and kill you."
"And like a fourteen-year-old Chinese girl, he's winning the Olympics!"
"I'm voting for pudding if you're voting for pudding. Vote pudding '08!"
"Stop giving me candybars, I don't want them."
"I had a compelling reason to fake it last night....remind me to never say that again."

<@Alaszun|Desktop> guys I have a mission
<@Alaszun|Desktop> someone give me a website where I can dl porn

SkyeBerghel: "What do genderqueer channelers use?" KevinOelze: "Saidagh."
SkyeBerghel: "Grindelwald and Dumbledore were gay for each other." KevinOelze: "They were not! They just wanted to play with each other's magic power."

   <@Alaszun|Desktop> ALSO I SERIOUSLY LIKE SAILOR MOON

"Kayle is an off-tank like you're an off-tank in real life."

Favorite quotes:

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And then one fine morning— So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

-The Great Gatsby

 What was the start of all this?
 When did the cogs of fate begin to turn?
 Perhaps it is impossible to grasp the answer now
 from deep within the flow of time...
 but, for a certainty, back then
 we loved so many, yet hated so much
 we hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
 yet even then, we ran like the wind,
 Whilst our laughter echoed, under cerulean skies...

-Chrono Cross

"I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools."

-William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury

"Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy. "

-J.K. Rowling, Harvard Commencement Speech

Kevin likes doing lots of things, and he also likes calling them projects, because then they sound super serious and like. Here's a list of my current progress:

FinalFantasyRun?

I've been replaying all of the Final Fantasy games (where all is a set currently defined by Final Fantasy IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, Tactics, and Chrono Trigger; I left off the ones I don't want to replay). After each game, I've been writing up my thoughts on the game and where I think it'll rank in my overall ranking of the games at my blog at http://divinewolfwood.blogspot.com/. Warning, may contain spoilers of anything (though I try to warn in my tags) including (but no limited although probably currently limited to) Umineko and Final Fantasy Games.
Current Progress: FFV Cleared. FFVI slowly making progress. At the split-up point after falling into the water when escaping from the Returners hideout. Sabin's set is done.

Diablo3

60 Wizard currently on Belial Inferno.

SkywardSword?

Horrible person who hasn't finished this game yet.

WheelOfTime Reread

Finished "The Fires of Heaven". On hold. Probably getting back on track after I read Narnia/LOTR with an eye towards finishing before AMOL.

Recent Project Conquests:

PokemonWhite?

Bitches should have known about my Krookodile.

Mistborn

Awesome fantasy series. ChrisSauro and I have been spreading this like the plague.

UminekoNoNakuKoroNi? and UminekoNoNakuKoroNiChiru? Replay

Gave up the replay. Finished Episode 8 anyway. Was disappoint.

The Name of the Wind/The? Wise Man's Fear

Now to wait 4 years for the last book in the trilogy. Sigh. I some day hope to be as good at not noticing women digging me as Kvothe is. Or maybe just to have as many women dig me as Kvothe does. Either way.

The Dresden Files

Knocked out every book in the month of February. That's how I roll.

Bioshock

Would you kindly play this game?

SuperMarioGalaxy2?

Haven't gotten all the stars or anything; I'll probably get around to it eventually.

Overlord

"Good" evil path, I guess. Debating replaying for both.
- Okay I did the "evil" evil path. Did the game much faster this time now that I didn't spend most of it running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Got well under 10 hours this time.

Psychonauts

Rank 101! Yay! And seriously, people thought the Meat Circus was hard? Or any of that game?

ChronoTrigger (DS version)

Okay, I have a little bit of the bonus stuff to do, but I only really care about the original game.

Harry Potter Reread

UminekoNoNakuKoroNiChiru? Episode 7

Don't think about it. It'll just give you a headache.

PokemonSoulSilver? (as much as you can ever beat it..)

Now with 100% more Mew and Celebi. If you're not paying attention, GET YOUR FREE MYSTERY GIFT MEW HG/SS OWNERS

TheWorldEndsWithYou?

So Zetta awesome.

SeikenDensetsuThree

I give you...SEIKEN. DENSETSU. THREE. (seriously go watch The Wizard)

Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn

Metroid Prime 3

Super Mario Galaxy (Mario Style)

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones (infinitely better than Warrior Within, what can I say?)

Resident Evil 4

Fire Emblem (Normal Mode, Both Eliwood and Hector's campaigns)

Metroid Prime 2

Super Mario Sunshine

Kingdom Hearts 2

Tales of Symphonia

Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance

FunWikiGeneration 2 (Garfinkel)

CategoryHomePage SuiteBetrayal ItrGames CrackInTheAC DamnFrosh NotEvil CategoryCrackWhore NeedsMoarMudkipz SouthernKatamariCrossOnTheRocks WikiWhore WikiWhore2009 WikiWhore2008 WikiWhore2007 SaveKevinsExam OctothorpeHMC

         /VVV\ 
 Prions  (   )  Alaszun
         \^^^/

           ________
          Y  ______]
 Alaszun  | P        Prions
          |_|

Seeing these makes me sad that NS has basically died and gone away.