TheGreatCornIncident

In order to facilitate the CornHubPrank (as well as intent to make a giant corn pit), the EastDormCopresidents? of 2023-4 decided to purchase several massive bags of dried corn. SpookEast? was great, and people had fun. Unfortunately, six months later, despite all the Scotch-Gard-ing possible, a mysterious weevil infestation started in DankMemeSuite (LiloRyan and AlySawyer), and the culprit was unfortunately found to the the corn (which had also molded). The moral of the story is don't buy like a metric fuckton of corn. Or, lyrically (mostly by SaraMorishige, assisted by ElioThadhani and LieselHilkemeyer and performed at Knott's during Muddlore Orientation 2024):

'Twas the night before biostats, not a weevil in sight

But the corn in edc was a weevil’s delight!

Twenty-four bags of it in the east dorm,

Each of which held fifty pounds of corn.

Loctor Pilo was about to curl up in bed

Plots from bio homework dancing in their head;

But the weevil infestation wasn’t unforseen

East had had a rat in their vending machine

Kavi hadn’t heeded all the edc’s warning

And now Lilo had bugs in their room at 1 in the morning.

To move stuff out of their room, Lilo went upstairs

But in upper edc -- there were more weevils there.

The corn in the closet had started to mold,

And the weevils fled upstairs from the rain and the cold,

Their population had grown with a great acceleration

T(n+1)=2T(n) was the recurrence relation,

Mentor Kayla had seen a couple a few weeks before

But now the weevils covered the edc's floor.

F&M came to help clean the next day,

They threw thousands of pounds of moldy corn away.

We're grateful that F&M helped us dispose of it

But we should have done so months earlier in west's fire pit.

After all of this I think we can agree

The edcs shouldn't store edc in edc!

Loctor Pilo hardly got any sleep that night

Because the weevils had given them such a fright.

Loctor Pilo was so thoroughly distressed

The bugs and moldy corn were a terrible mess.

We offered to pay for cleanup with east dorm funds

But nothing could repair the harm that was done.

Now whose fault was this? We know it was Kavi

Who had bought all the corn with east dorm's money.

As Loctor Pilo swept dead weevils into their dustpan

They gave thanks to Kavi -- also known as Corn Man.

On the wall of the lounge there's a picture of him

But with pieces of corn replacing his limbs.

The baby corn for his limbs is disturbingly floppy

(And yes, I am aware that would make a great copy.)

He was dubbed Corn Man after eating corn out of a sink

But it's really the picture of him that makes you stop and think.

As a mermaid is half human half fish,

Kavi the corn man is half corn dish

His love of corn is nothing short of obsession

But that still leaves us asking the question:

Who thought putting corn in edc could have turned out well?

For a few days, Lilo's life was like hell.

But when they told us this story, we couldn't help but laugh

And now I'm telling it to you, on Lilo's behalf.

It's much less fun to debug the edc than code

Especially since Lilo already had a huge homework load.

They hadn't done any work since going to their room at 8

Which meant they turned in their bio pset late.

We tell this story as part of muddlore,

Because if you find your room full of weevils -- that's what late hours are for.

And to all mudd students, in east or any dorm:

Don't spend hundreds of dollars of dorm funds on corn.